If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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