I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
