i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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