lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
