we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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