Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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