We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize