Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
