My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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