hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
