We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
