We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
