Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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