just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
