Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
