If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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