Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
