In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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