someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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