so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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