He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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