It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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