My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
