Non-Jews are for practice
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
