Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
