I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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