I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
