from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
