Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
