She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
