i already hear my dad disowning me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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