You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
