She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
