She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
