It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
