We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
