You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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