I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
