No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
