When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize