i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
