How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
