so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
