I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
