he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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