I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are all done wearing pants today
I need water and some morals
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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