im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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