Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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