This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
