I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is Oprah even human
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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