My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
