I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
