Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
