you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
