Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
