I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
