we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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