There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
