She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
