i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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