she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
