I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
