You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
