It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
