3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
